The Nordic capitals, as always, rank high in the annual livability listing. Copenhagen, Helsinki, Stockholm and Oslo all fit the bill of a manageable size and a seamless infrastructural travel experience.

While we adore the lovely little Kastrup extension to the Copenhagen’s driver-less Metro, we feel that the seamlessness for Scandinavia starts and ends just there. As soon as we embark on the A319s of Scandinavian Airlines it all starts going downhill. We felt it was our responsibility to give them a few additional pointers, since our last comment regarding inflight glassware remains unaddressed.

There are three main flaws with Scandinavian Airlines today:

1. Headwear
As we got settled in at 2A on a transatlantic trip the other day, we were surprised to see a woman in sportswear distributing drinks. Clearly she had gotten lost from economy, and was looking for the rest of her baseball team. Learn from our surprise when we realised that her attire seemed to be considered apt for cabin purposes, and that she was part of the crew. We suggest CEO Mats Jansson takes a swift visit to Doha to learn more about appropriate inflight headwear in order to avoid more millinery confusion.

2. Route Map
Getting in and out of Scandinavia long haul is anything but a pleasurable experience, mainly due to a lacking route map with ample nonstop flights. Is it really reasonable that there are no nonstop options to places like Abu Dhabi, Vancouver, Bern or Bilbao? We think not.

3. Beverages
Continuing on the thread above – the strange woman in the cap offered us 2002 Henriot champagne that had apparently was the result of “developing close relationship” with the winery. Euphemisms will never excuse inferior bubbly. A simple Krug would suffice. After all, what are we – farmers?

Architecture in the Northern hemisphere is another great addition to the overall Scandinavian experience. Less is to be said about New York’s ditto.
From the man himself:

“I think there, we went through, obviously, an era of loss of architects doing these mega projects, doing mega towers in New York. But then sort of the middle is just a lot of mediocre rubbish, drywall, flimsy doors, uninspiring finishes. I think that’s a lot of the American design vernacular.”

We couldn’t agree more. When evaluating the livability of a country, always look to the sturdiness of the doors.

(Photo: UGArdener @ Flickr)

Take a sip of the chilled Pol Roger and a snack of the freshly baked Baklava. Done? Good. Enjoy.

In the not too distant future, I expect one of the world’s respected medical journals, perhaps The Lancet or the Harvard Medical Review, will release a document on public health and the workplace that will show a direct relationship between the overzealous use of out-of-office replies and a fondness for wearing sweatpants.

The article will prove that people who like to post elaborate out-of-office replies not only dislike their jobs but also tend to be less entrepreneurial, poor team-players and, in many cases, lazy. At the same time, it will also reveal that OOORs frequently end up making elasticated stretch trousers (Fast Lane’s international symbol for having given up on life) a wardrobe staple, and that these tend to be closely associated with an unhealthy appetite for daytime TV, eating biscuits from the packet and, ultimately, unemployment.

Now send the next person that answers back with An out of office reply a couple of Juicy sweatpants, a Ryanair ticket and a map to the door. People.